Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
