Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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