Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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