I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
