Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
