She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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