frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
