Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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