You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
