Umm I'm too high to move.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That accounts for only three of the penises
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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