worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
