Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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