so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
