is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
