Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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