I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
