What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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