I am puke
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
