we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
