i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am naked and annoyed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
