They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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