I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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