I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
