the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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