At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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