I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
