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i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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