Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
