What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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