his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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