WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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