My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
