he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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