the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
