the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
