You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
