God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
