Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
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Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
where are my eyebrows?
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