I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
