Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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