At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
