It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
