You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You can't motorboat a personality
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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