I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
