theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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