Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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