dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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