Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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