I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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