we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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