I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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