he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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