i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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