I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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