New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love you. Go after that dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
