All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
