I will die if light touches me.
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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