In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize