I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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