I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
