well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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