all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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