i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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