I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
