I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this just has baby written all over it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
