If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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