her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
