she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
