I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
