Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
