who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
