I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
