you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
