If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
