we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
