Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
