Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Still dying that you shit outside
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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