i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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