idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
